oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
