someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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