I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
