5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
