The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
