IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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