If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
