Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
