WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
