the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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