the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
