my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
