ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
