Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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