So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
