you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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