It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
