somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
