Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
