Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
