Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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