I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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