I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
