I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
