I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
