I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
