the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
