A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
