Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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