You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
