That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
