So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
