I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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