I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
