K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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