I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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