So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
