So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
