forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
