I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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