I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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