i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
