My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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