Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
