I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
