Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
