Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
