When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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