i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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