had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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