TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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