you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
