i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
