And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
