his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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