We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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